Friday, May 05, 2006

What If The Left Wrote the Bible? TGIF Parody Piece

Floating around the net are some quotes, the full article of which I have been unable to find, attributed to the May 2006 issue of Touchstone: A Journal of Mere Christianity
As a teaser, strictly for your amusement and enjoyment, take a look at some of the lines from the parody, Liberal Protestant Version of the Bible.

"Blessed are the relevant, for they shall worship in their own way.... blessed are the private, for they have refused to subject their motivations to the Church's discourse..."

"You shall have no other gods before me -- I am no more or less worthy a god than any of them." (Exodus 20:3)

"Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, affirming them in the name of the Creator and of the Redeemer and of the Sustainer." (Matthew 28:19)

"So Jesus called them and spoke to them in parables: "How can Satan drive out Satan? It's not like he's real, or anything." (Mark 3:23)

"For whoever is ashamed of me and my words is to be commended for his tolerance and sensitivity to others." (Luke 9:26)

"In the beginning was a Word of affirmation." (John 1: 1a)

"On hearing this, the disciples said: 'this is a hard saying- who can accept it?' Aware that His disciples were troubled, Jesus said "I sense that this has offended your sensibilities.' So He apologized and took it all back." (John 6:60-61)

"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they might have an ethically respectable lifestyle -- and be full of it." (John 10:10)

"I am a way to master many truths about your life." (John 14:6)

"'What is Truth'? Pilate asked. What do you think it is?'" Jesus asked. (John 18:38)

"And with that he breathed on them and said, "Receive moral autonomy." (John 20:22)

"For all have tried their hardest and fallen short of their best potential." (Romans 3:23)

"Because you are lukewarm and neither cold nor hot, you have attained reason, and can engage in dialogue." (Revelation 3:16)

[No disclaimer necessary, this time]

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