Do you remember the old Johnny Carson routine, "Carnac the Magnificent"?
The gag always opened with the following setup by sidekick Ed McMahon:
"Welcome once again, O Great Sage... I hold in my hand these envelopes. As a child of four can plainly see, these envelopes have been hermetically sealed. They've been kept in a #2 mayonnaise jar since noon today on Funk and Wagnall's porch. No one knows the contents of these envelopes, but you, in your divine and mystical way, will ascertain the answers to these questions having never seen them before."
In the sketch, Carson would give the answer before opening the envelop and revealing the question. Some of the lines were classics, others were just dumb, but they almost always brought a chuckle.
A: Until he gets caught.
Q: How long does a United States Congressman serve?
A: Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition.
Q: What's the best thing to do if you swallow a hand grenade?
His Barking Dog decided to get into the spirit of the piece with our own predictions about this week's General Board meeting of the ABCUSA.
A: A snowball's chance in hell.
Q: What are the chances of Dr. Medley being turned down for a second four year term?
(The ABC Bylaws (Article XI, Section 2) provide that the Executive Committee of the General Board "shall select and recommend to the General Board a person to serve as General Secretary of the ABCUSA and shall evaluate the work of the General Secretary at least every four (4) years and report thereon to the General Board."
The ABC Bylaws (Article XV, Section 1) also state: "Upon nomination by The Executive Committee, the General Secretary shall be elected by the General Board for a term of four (4) years (or such shorter term as the General Board may specify) and may thereafter be reelected to such office by the General Board for any number of additional terms.")
Since the General Board will move into "executive session" to hear the confidential report of their own executive committee's evaluation of Dr. Medley's performance, readers of His Barking Dog will need to depend upon Carnac the Magnificent's prediction of what will be said in the closed door meeting.
A: A. Roy Medley has served as our General Secretary with great distinction during a difficult period since his election in 2001. At this time we will celebrate together the General Secretary’s ministry in the 2001-2005 term and then affirm his reelection for a 2006-2009 term of office.
Q: What will the PSW's GB representatives NOT be saying at the meeting this week.
A: A beverage break
Q: With all of the high level issues on the table at the GB meeting this week, some of them threatening to unravel the very fabric of the denomination, what will the board members be doing Friday morning immediately prior to the consideration of the IN/KY petition and the PSW board decision to initiate withdrawal from the ABCUSA?
A: Somewhere over the rainbow
Q: What does the famous movie classic, "The Wizzard of Oz," have in common with where the ABCUSA expects to find the $40.56 million budgeted for 2006?
[Carnac's predictions are solely those of the blogger so please do not divine any connection to anyone in any official capacity whatsoever]
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